Our Last Shot At Love
by Amour-Lily
Summary: Sequel to As Time Goes onMy name is James Potter, and this is my story. James Potter returns to Hogwarts for his final  year at Hogwarts. James faces a world in the middle of a war. Life as a Marauder and Gryffindor's heir clashes, changing everything.


**Well, here it is! The long anticipated sequel to 'As Time Goes On.' I'm sorry for the...what was it, two year wait:) I'm back, and I promise you an amazing story!**

* * *

**Chapter 1 This is My Story**

James Potter examined himself in the mirror. A sixteen year old boy with untidy black hair stared back at him through hazel eyes covered with gold rimmed glasses. His height of 6"0 made him look as thought he were seventeen. Admittedly, the silk black robes he wore made him look good, but he would give anything to change for this certain occasion.

"Prongs?" Sixteen year old Sirius Black poked his head in his best friend's room. His hair fell gracefully into his eyes and he, too, was wearing all black. "Are you ready?"

James sighed. "No, but somehow I don't think that matters."

Sirius looked at him friend sympathetically and walked in the room so that he was standing right behind James. "Remus and Peter are going to meet us there," Sirius informed him.

All James could do was nod. The two teenage boys made their way downstairs, one feeling grim while the other felt completely numb.

"I don't want to do this," James muttered.

Sirius eyes him carefully. "Of course you don't. Are you going to make a speech then?"

James laughed humorlessly. "It's my mother's funeral! What kind of person would I be if I didn't say something?"

"No one expects you to."

"You know they do. They all expect me to go up there and tell everyone what happened the night she died."

"Will you?"

James hesitated before saying defiantly, "No."

_**My life was never complicated. Everything was always so easy, as if my life was already planned out for me. I would get the best grades, get Lily Evans to fall desperately in love with me, graduate, and become a world famous Quidditch star. And you? You would always be there for me, supporting me all the way.**_

They reached the landing and made their way to the door. They would be taking Ministry cars to the funeral home. When they reached the door, Justin Potter stood in the doorway, wearing black robes and a broken expression.

"You boys ready?" He tried to sound cheerful, but his heart just wasn't in it. Both boys nodded and together they silently made their way into the car. It was odd, really. It was the middle of August and the sky was cloudy with a small cold breeze. It looked like it would be raining soon. They stepped into the car and told the driver their destination. No one made any effort at making conversation. Each was lost in his own thoughts. James took this moment to glance at his father, who was staring out the window. It was weird thinking his father was dead and coming home after his sixth year to find his dad perfectly alive in his parlor. Saying it was shocking would be an understatement. Both he and Sirius hadn't reacted well at all, thinking it was a Death Eater in disguise. Both demanded to know who he was, and when the man kept saying he was James father, they demanded an explation as to why he was walking around the house when everyone believed him to be dead.

His story had been quite amazing. James was told that after he had passed out. You-Know-Who(James still couldn't stand to hear the name) demanded that he, James, was to be taken back to Hogwarts. After that, Justin was placed in a cell. Before they had taken him though, he was able to snatch a Death Eater's wand. At night, when he was sure nearly everyone in the building was asleep, he blasted his way out of the cell and fought his way out of the mansion. He told James he wanted so badly not to leave his wife, but claimed that had he not gotten out of there when he did, chances were he wouldn't have gotten out at all. After that, he traveled back to the Potter manor in disguise, not wanting to cause chaos. He had heard the rumor that he was dead, and thought that being seen walking back from the dead might cause a bit of panic. So, he stayed at the Manor until James himself came home.

It took a lot of explaining and James still hadn't been convinced. He had told Sirius to get the strongest Truth Potion they had. When they gave it to Justin, James asked difficult questions only his father would know. When he realized it truly was his father, he apologized over and over for not believing him.

The rest of that month hadn't been a pleasant one. The whole month of June and July had been full of planning for the funeral and people popping into their house with sympathy cards, gifts, and food. With all the food, James was nearly positive they wouldn't have to go grocery shopping for the rest of the summer. Now, James stared at the window, dreading what the next two hours would bring. Even as the funeral day drew closer, he still held some kind of hope that this wasn't a dream. That it wasn't real. The numb feeling hadn't gone away, but James was nearly positive that this funeral would bring him to reality a lot harder than he wanted.

"We're here," Justin said grimly. Sure enough, the area was full of witches and wizards who had come to pay their last respects to Cecilia Potter.The ferunal would take place outside in the same graveyard Cecilia's Potter's own parents had been buried. This had been her wish, to be buried with her family. There were people grouped on either side, leaving an aisle that led toward the coffin that held James once energetic and lovely mother. James, Justin, and Sirius stepped out of the car, attracting the attention of nearly everyone present. As the three walked down the aisle toward their seats that were reserved for them right in front, many people took their hats off to them or gave them sorrowful smiles or even giving them an encouraging pat on the back.

It seemed like forever when the three finally reached their seats. John, his father's friend, was already seated there, along with two of James other best friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Remus, who was nearly as tall as James and Sirius and had light brown hair, quickly enveloped James in a brotherly hug. No words were spoken. As Remus went to shake Mr. Potter's hands, Peter, the shortest of the four, stared at James with his watery blue eyes.

"Alright?" Peter asked quietly.

"Been better," James muttered grimly.

Peter nodded and the six men took their seats, waiting for the event that they wished never had to take place.

_**Where did that all go? It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Our time was too short. **_

* * *

Lily Evans sat brushing her long auburn hair while looking at her reflection in the mirror. Her emerald eyes were sad and held regret. Sighing, she glanced at the clock. It was around noon. That means the funeral would be starting soon. She sighed and looked out the window, noticing how the weather was gloomy.

_'Just like the mood_,' Lily thought sadly.

Which was true. She picked up the Daily Prophet. The whole wizarding world was saddened over the death of Cecilia Potter. It was told that there wasn't enough room to hold everyone that wanted to attend. Lily threw down the Prophet angrily. Her best friend, Emma Jungher, had invited her to go to the funeral with her. Emma's mother was a Healer while her father was an Auror, so she had her connections to the Potters. But Lily had simply refused to go. She couldn't. She couldn't face James after the things she said to him. Emma had told her it would only be right to pay her respects to the one that had saved her and her family during that fateful Christmas night.

_'I will_,' Lily vowed. _'I'll pay my respects..just not today.'_

It had been the Potters who saved her on Christmas. Lily looked around the small room. Her house was being rebuilt and until then she was staying with her family in a small apartment not too far from her house. She hated to admit it, but if it hadn't been for the Potters, chances were she wouldn't have made it.

"Lily!" Jennifer Evans knocked on her bedroom door.

"Come in, mum!" Lily called.

* * *

James continued to fidget with his robe sleeve. The ceremony was almost over. Many things had been said about his mum. She was selfless, brave, influental to the Wizarding world, would be greatly missed...

His father had gone up to talk about her. Hell, even Sirius went up to say a few words. But James? He couldn't. What else was there to say anyways? Everyone else had already described her, everyone else said she would be greatly missed. What else could he possibly say?

The man at the podium cleared his throat. "If no one else would like to say a few words.."

James could just feel the man's eyes on him. He knew what everyone was expected. He could feel everyone's eyes on him. They all wanted him to go up there and tell them what really happened that night. Knowing that the man's eyes were on him, James shook his head hastily while staring intently at the white coffin that lay feet from him.

James knew that man understood him because at that moment he cleared his throat. "Now, with that said..."

_**We were supposed to have forever, but now we'll never even have tomorrow. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, sorry I didn't do anything. I know it should've been me instead of you.**_

* * *

Jennifer Evans stepped into her daughter's room. "Are you packed to go to Emma's tonight?"

"Yes, mum," Lily replied, pointing to the duffel bag that lay on her bed. "Emma's going to pick me up. She just has to...do some things first." She bit her lip.

Not replying, herm other picked up the Daily Prophet that lay on her daughter's bed. "Honey, why didn't you go to this funeral?"

Lily shook her head. "I just...I wouldn't have been able to get in. So many people were going..."

"I would have liked to pay my respects to the family that saved us."

"So would I, mum."

Jennier sighed. "Well, just make sure to let me know when your leaving."

"Alright, mum."

When her mother shut the door behind her, Lily bowed her head and felt thick tears fall from her eyes and uttered the words she knew she would never repeat, "I'm sorry, Potter."

* * *

The sky was getting darker even though it was only noon. A strong fierce wind blew across the graveyard, causing the mood to become even more grim. Four boys stood in front of Cecilia Potter's grave, their robes billowing around them. Peter looked with shock in his watery blue eyes.

**_How could this have happened to you?_**

Remus stood with his hands in his pockets, looking at the grave with sadly.

**_You didn't deserve to die_**.

Sirius had his hand clasped on his best friend's shoulder, hoping it would give him some sort of comfort. By the look James had on his face, Sirius got the impression James couldn't see anything but the grave that stood before him. Jamse cotinued to stare, his face held the expression of incredulity, numbness, and shock all at the same time.

"Prongs, don't you want to get going?" Sirius asked quietly.

James let out a shaky breath but replied, "I'll meet you by the car."

Sirius looked at Peter and Remus who nodded, knowing James had to be alone. Sirius sqeezed James shoulder before letting go. When James heard their footsteps fade, he knelt down next to the grave. The funeral was over and now there were only a few people lingering around speaking words of comfort to him and his father. James, however, broke away, preparing to say his final good bye to his mother.

_**But now it's too late, we can't change our fate, and I'll never get to say the things I should've said a long time ago.**_

"Hey, mum," James started lamely, feeling foolish for talking to a gravestone, "Er..this is weird. Mum, I really hope you hear me because I"ll look incredibly foolish if you don't."James sighed. "Thank you, mum. Thank you for protecing me. I-I wish so badly it wasn't you. I wish it wasn't _us. _We.._you_ didn't deserve your life to end like this, Mum..what am I supposed to do without you? I..I lost the pendant. Yeah, I know, I'm an idiot! I feel like you died in vain! You died to protect me and that bloody pendant and then I lose it." James felt guilt tear at his heart. His shoulders and voice began to shake violently as he continued. "This..this isn't right. None of this is right."

His eyes burned with tears. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to make a speech for you, mum. But I couldn't. You know how much I hate speeches. But I thought...thought I could do it for you. I didn't want to. I didn't want to go up there and look at everyone and your coffin and be reminded that it was my own fault your here in the first place!"

He hit his fist against the ground. "You're not supposed to be here, I know it wasn't your time to go. Mum..I feel like..I feel like I helped Yuo-Know-Who kill you. I couldn't protect the pendant and I couldn't protect you. I wish..I wish you were here, mum. I wish you were here and it was me six feet under the ground. I could handle that. But this..this is asking too much for me. I...I brought this for you."

James reached inside his robes and took out a small frame with a picture of him, his father, and his mother. "This was my first day at Hogwarts. The first time I went on platform nine and three quarters. You were so proud of me." James fingered the picture lovingly. "I want to know..." He now placed the frame next to the at the very head of the gravestone, "Are you still proud of me, mum? Or do you blame me for your death?"

James stared long and hard at the ground in front of him, as if hoping his mum would pop out and tell him it was all horrible joke. A few moments passed and nothing happened. Now, James has to accept reality. He had to accept he would never again see his mum in the kitchen, greeting him in the morning. Never again would he see his mother's smile or hear her voice. Hot tears fell down his cheeks as reality set in. He slowly stood up and took one last glance on the gravestone that read:

_Cecilia Marianne Potter_

_1948-1976_

_May her memory live on forever_

_**Do you hate me? I wish I had tried harder.**_

James turned his back on the grave and made his way back to the car alone. It was started to rain fairly hard now, but James didn't care. He loved the rain. It soothed him in a way, made him calmer. It always had that affect on him. For a moment, James just stood there in the rain, eyes closed. Nearly everyone had gone home, so he was sure he was quite alone. He wanted to slip away forever. He stayed frozen to the spot, unable to control the emotions that were finally getting hold of him. Every negatve emotion came rushing to him it once, he was sure he was going emotionally unstable. Never before had he been faced with this sort of guilt, regret, horror, shock, incredulity, hurt, sadness, and worst of all, lonliness. James Potter was quite alone. Of course, the Marauders would always be there for him and he knew it. But as long as he kept his family secret just that, a secret, a small part of him would always be alone.

_**Do you blame me? I wish I had fought harder.**_

"James!" a voice shrieked.

James eyes snapped open and a girl was standing in front of him with long black layered hair that fell to the middle of her back and was dressed in a single black dress while holding an umbrella.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her brown eyes looking directly into his.

James shrugged. "Thanks for coming, Emma, it meant a lot."

Emma Jungher gave him a soft smile, dropped the umbrella, and enveloped him in a hug, which James gladly accepted.

"Lily's sorry she couldn't make it," Emma whispered.

She could feel him tense up a bit and immediately let go, taking a step back.

"Tell her it's alright," James said quietly, remembering the row him and his object of affection have had two months earlier.

Emma stared at him suspiciously. She had known him and Lily had a fight, but had been left in the dark as to what it was about. James gave her small smile.

"You've been practicing for Quidditch, I expect?" he asked, wanting to change the grim atmosphere.

It didn't. Emma only picked up the umbrella, placed it over her and James, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Emma?" James looked at her in confusion, wondering what he had said wrong.

Emma let out a shaky breath and looked at him. James was genuinely surprised to find one of his best Chaser's eyes water up, tears threatening to fall at any moment. "Actually, James, I have to talk to you about something."

James could feel his smile drop slightly. He didn't think he could take anymore bad news.

_**Please know I did everything I could. **_

* * *

"Where is he?" Remus Lupin wondered aloud.

He along with Sirius and Peter waited in front of the Ministry car. It had been twenty minutes and James still hadn't come back. The weather was miserable and all three boys wanted to get somewhere dry.

"Should we go look for him?" Peter asked.

"No, just give him some time," Sirius said.

A few minutes passed in silenece. None of them knew what to say and they found it quite rude to start up a happy conversation considering where they were. Finally, they spotted a dark figure making their way toward them.

"Oi, James!" Sirius called to the figure.

_**Please believe that if I could turn back time I would.**_

James looked up and gave a sad smile.

"What took so long?" Peter asked when James was in earshot, while Peter himself slipped into the car.

"I ran into Emma Jungher." James replied simply as he too slipped into the car.

Both Remus and Sirius stiffened at the mention of her name, but Remus stepped into the car saying, "Oh." Sirius, however, slipped into the car and asked casually, "Is she still playing Chaser?"

James let his best friend shut the door before saying, just as casual, "No."

Peter looked up surprised just as the car started moving. "Why not?"

James looked expectantly at Remus and Sirius. "A question I would like to hear the two of you answer."

Remus suddenly became interested with the sleeve of his robe while Sirius turned him attention to the rain dripping from the window.

"You lost me one of my best Chaser's," James continued, not accusingly, but in a voice that was light; he let off the aura that told both boys he wanted a confession. When neither boy spoke, James said, "She told me what happened between the three of you last year."

Remus looked up at Sirius. "Three? But I thought it was just me..."

Sirius was looked at Remus, equally surprised.

James shook his head. "It wasn't." Glancing around the car, he changed the subject abruptly, "Where's my dad?"

"Apparated to your house," Remus replied, obviously glad to have gotten off the subject of Emma. "He said he was going to organize Sirius's boxes so we could just move them out once we get there."

James looked at Sirius quickly. "What? Your stuff's in boxes? Why? Are you moving out?"

Remus eyes Sirius warily. "You haven't told him."

Sirius sighed and turned his attention away from the window. "It wasn't boxes, all I packed was the stuff in my trunk."

No one spoke, but James was looking at Sirius for an explanation. Sirius sighed and looked at James apologetically, "Listen, mate, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier, but I didn't want to considering...everything." He paused before going on. "Do you remember how my uncle found out about me leaving that house and sent me a huge mount of gold?" James nodded. "Well..I sort of bought a flat with that money and I thought of having you three help me move in this week so..you know, we have somehwere to go come the holidays."

"We usually go to my house for the holidays," James said slowly, trying to grasp the fact that his best friend had been moving out behind his back.

_**Please listen when I say I'm sorry**_

"Right..." Sirius was looking really uncomfortable now. "Er..well, your dad reckoned it would be nice that you had somewhere else to go in case he couldn't..couldn't be there."

"Oh."

James looked away from Sirius and stared at the floor. So his dad reckoned he wouldn't be around often? Well, that was fine with James. He could handle it on his own, he could handle his mother's death perfectly well without his father's consolation.

_'Who am I kidding?' _he thought bitterly.

"Prongs-"

"So," James said loudly, cutting Sirius off. "You're moving out then? That's great! You'll finally have a place of your own."

"Right..." Sirius was looking at his best friend suspiciously now.

"But your only sixteen. You're not considered an adult until your seventeen?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm renting it for the time being, then the owner agreed to let me buy it the moment I turn of age."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Er.." Sirius sat up straight now. "I suppose...I didn't want you to feel like I was abandoning you or anything. Your father, too, was afraid on how you would take it if he told you he probably wouldn't be around for Christmas, and he wanted you to stay with me in my flat."

James looked out the window.

"We're not abandoning you, Prongs," Sirius said firmly.

All James did was nod.

The rest of the ride went by in complete silence and when they finally arrived at the Potter Manor, all four friends walked up the lawn silently, each growing more desperate to get out of the uncomfortable silence. They entered the home and went to the kitchen, where they stood awkwardly.

"Do you want us to hang around?" Remus asked, breaking the silence that had went on for nearly twenty minutes.

James shrugged. "Stay if you like. I think I'll go lie down for awhile, been a rough day and all."

Peter nodded sympathetically. "Well, I had better go. I'll be back tomorrow to help you move out, Padfoot."

Peter stepped into the fireplace and was gone in a puff of green flames.

"Right well...see you," James hastily made his way toward his bedroom. It was unnerving, really. The Mauraders never had awkwad silences before, but they were all at a lost to say. James opened the door to his room and slammed it shut. He fell back onto his bed immediately.

_**I made a mistake and your the one who paid. Mum, I never meant for this to happen to you. I know I'll pay for this the rest of my life. **_

Honestly, James was hurt that Sirius was moving out when he needed him most, but he would never tell him that. He was also upset that his father was even considering going back to work. He knew it was selfish, but James wanted so bad just to get a break. He groaned and rolled onto his stomach.

_**I'm broken and I don't know if I'll ever be whole again without you.**_

The whole day had been nothing but bad news. James closed his eyes, and instantly got a flash of the night his mother died. Never before had James felt so lonely as he did lying flat on his bed. He'd never felt so alone in his life. The feeling of lonliness seemed to overwhelm him as he allowed thick hot tears to spill from his eyes. His shoulders shook as his sobs continued. They finally became so loud James stuffed his pillow in his mouth in an attempt to quiet his cries. It was a wonder why Sirius and Remus didn't burst into his room at any moment, he thought he was loud enough. Finally, after several minutes, James was gasping for breath but the tears still fell down silently.

"I'm so sorry!" James yelled out, praying silently that it would soothe the overwhemling lonliness. When it didn't, James settled for throwing whatever was two feet near him, until the sky finally grew dark and James passed out from exhaustion, his face still wet with tears.

_**My name is James Potter, Marauder and single hair to Godric gryffindor. And this is my story.**_

****

**_A/N. So..it's been a couple of years. I apologize to those waiting for this sequel...to those who haven't read the first one...I hoped you found this one interesting enough! I just thought I'd let you all know I'm completely devoted to this story, and it will be finished. Please review and tell me what you think!_**


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